A gift or a Curse?

I have a gift.... or is it a curse?

Of being able to feel's people's emotions without having to rehearse

A gift that works great, when I am connecting and empathizing with others.

But a curse that hurts, when I am not ready to carry their burdens, because I am too, hurting.

Sometimes, I wish I didn't have to feel so intensely.

But then again, I wouldn't trade all the joys and highs of life that I get an honor to experience.

Knowing that if it gets too high, what comes next can feel like a heartbreak.

It has taken me decades to begin to understand the delicacy of how my mind operates.

Something that I used to be in denial of, that I used to hate.

Of living with bipolar disorder, knowing the highs are high and the lows are lower.

And that if I have a really good day, I felt like I may have spent out all my dopamine.

Knowing the next day, I may have to tend to my hurting soul,

reassuring her that her sprit will regain.

Because that's the price for having bipolar and being an empath.

The chemical imbalance in my brain can play a trick in my mind, if I'm not aware.

Aware that that this too shall past, when the low episodes hit, convince me that I'm not good enough.

I must hold on, know that the pendulum will swing to the other side again.

I just have to be strong and just maintain.

Accepting that I can't fix my bipolar.

But I will make it work for me.

To be able to celebrate and rejoice in people's joys and achievements.

And to use my lows, to understand people's pain, sorry and grievances.

And to utilize that awareness to become a bridge,

A bridge of hope, a bridge of light.

An understanding that we have something inside us that we fight.

So no, I will not trade my abilities to feel things deeply to avoid suffering.

I will embrace it, knowing that I can turn my gifts into many offerings.