So it's been over six months since I last posted on here. The reason why I havent posted on here for a long time is because I was waiting for something exciting to update. Because ever since I moved back to Worthing Minnesota. I just haven't feel excited about the life that I was living. I've had this crazy beliefs in my head that I've failed my life out in LA and now I'm just stuck in Worthington. That was a very negative and posionous thought to feed my brain. Because what it did, was it sucked the life out of me and I just lived day by day, going through the motion. The fire that was once inside of me has been diminished. Hence, I've had a past with depression and binge eating, so this thought process enhance my levels of thinking. However, it's been a recent shift in my thought that I decided that enough was enough. I am sick of feeling like a failure. Yes, I moved back home. Yes, I lost everything that I worked so hard for in Los Angeles. But that was all MY fault. I did this. And I it was up to me to learn from them and prevent it from happening again. I think that the reason why this whole coming back home was so depressing for me, was because my whole life. I've always dreamed of going out to California, chasing my dreams. And ever since, coming back. I felt lost. I feel like I lost my passion and fire. But I'm done believing that I failed. Yes, I've had setbacks. But failure is when you stop trying. And I refuse to give up on the life I want. I refuse to settle. I am going to learn from my mistakes so I make sure that I prevent it from happening to me again. And I will come back even stronger than before. Depression sucks, anxiety sucks. But at least I'm alive. I'm alive and I'm a fighter. I refuse to sink in my remorse and regrets.
I"m currently enrolled back in school and I just finished a semester. I was unsure of what to major in because fashion was always been my number one choice but now that I believed I failed at it. I didn't want to do it anymore. I also want to do something that I feel is more rewarding to my soul. And with the history of mental illness, and my jouirney in California and being put in a mental instiution, I've decided that I want to study Psychology. I want to learn more about the humans habits, thier way of thinking and behavior. I want to have a better understanding of people and also of myself.
Another big reason I decided to go back to school is because I want to be able to go teach English in my home country, Thailand. And in order to so, you have to have a bachelor degree. I want to go teach in Thailand because I want to travel and explore my own country. I also want to push my boundaries and step out of my comfort zone. I know that the journey of my 3.5 years in LA taught me many lessons, even coming back home for almost a year now, I've learned many things. And I could only imagine what I would learn and discover on my jouney abroad. So that's my goal for now. I want to graduate as debt free as posible from college. This means, working two jobs, and living frugaily. But also, at the same time, I will know when to treat myself. I want to educate myself and be a better version of who I am so I don't make the same mistakes again.