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I wish that I could say that I have have found ways to cope with my binge eating addictions, but that would be lying. I am back to square one. The feeling of helplessness and laziness. Sleeping and eating consumes my day to day schedule. I have gained about 25lbs since Thanksgiving. This is not new, considering that usually I would gain up to 50lbs. But still. It sucks. I hate it. This winter has been tough. I keep asking myself why am

I still here in Minnesota. As much as I want to go back to California. I know that what's going wrong is not the weather but my mindset. I had a conversation with my coworker. And she told me that I keep psyching myself into my binge eating depression. Because I told her, that every winter I fall into a depression and I would get fat. And guess what. That's exactly what happened. So that made me think. Did I manifested this? This is my fault. I have allowed myself to falsely believe that this is what will happen to me every winter. So it does. The good news is. I've always believe that by the time spring comes, I will snap out of this funk and shed the weight like I've always have. So it's a yo-yo battle.

I know that I am anti medication and doctors and shitt. But I have been considering going to to see therapist and taking medication that will help with my constant cravings for food. I know that's its totally against what I believe. But I'm sick of fighting this alone. I need help.

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